Today's Appointment

I had my 10 week appt. today! The doc decided to try to listen for the heartbeat with the Doppler instead of depending on an ultrasound. I got just a TAAAAD nervous after letting her try to find it for about 30 seconds. She could tell and tried to head it off at the pass by assuring me that it's hard to find sometimes when they are that itty bitty. I told her I remembered from last time, which I did. She did find that sweet ka-chunk, ka-chunk finally and told me the heart rate was 170, which is great! She mentioned the old wives tale about a high heart rate meaning it's a girl and a low heart rate meaning it's a boy. Eden's heart rate was always in the higher range... We'll see in about 8 weeks. I've made my next three appointments, one in 3 weeks, one in 6 weeks and one in 8 weeks. That's the big ultrasound date. I'll be 18 1/2 weeks and crossing my fingers that baby cooperates and isn't too modest.

Random

A few random thoughts.

I had my first experience of food really "hitting the spot." When I was pregnant with Eden, I loved that I could eat something I was craving and the feeling I would feel during and after eating it was the epitome of the meaning of "hitting the spot." I hadn't felt that yet this time until last week. I had a salad with grilled chicken at a local pizza place named Sal and Mookies. They have this AMAZING dressing named Green Godess and I was craving it. I completely cleaned my plate and just couldn't get over the total yumminess of the experience for the rest of the evening. It gives me warm fuzzies all over just to think about it now. :)

I am finally drinking more water. I've been really lax in this area this time around and I'm finally correcting that this week. I got down my huge covered plastic jug/cup complete with giant straw that I took home with me from the hospital after I had Eden. As I've mentioned before, I hate drinking water out of a glass unless I'm at a restaurant, so this is just perfect for me.

I think I might be ready to try working out at the Y again. I've been walking quite a bit every day, but it would be beneficial to lift some light weights too.

It's hard to be pregnant when you already have a child! I won't expand too much, because many of you reading this probably already know that. Eden is in a wonderful stage where she's learning so much and becoming more independent, but she's also in a getting-on-all-of-my-nerves and wearing-me-out stage, too. Not so great while I'm pregnant.

10 Weeks

It's kumquat week! My baby is about the size of a kumquat now at 10 weeks. I remember kumquat week from my pregnancy with Eden. We were in St. Simon's Island GA touring the resort on Sea Island and in a courtyard there were these little trees with green fruit on them. Chuck's aunt was the only one who thought she knew what they might be... kumquats! I had never seen one, so that was a neat moment where I could hold one in my hand and imagine my baby.
This time, I'm more aware of the final product, but it's still fun to re-educate myself about each stage of development that's taking place inside my body.

Crying Over Spilt Milk

Oh boy. It has begun. I cried at a sappy country song in the car yesterday. I couldn't help myself. I wasn't even listening that closely and I just teared up and overflowed. At least I was almost home and not on the highway or something. Hormones can be dangerous!
I remember a couple of instances from when I was pregnant with Eden where my hormones were out of control and I'm sure I'll rack up a few more stories from this pregnancy.

In our carraige house in Augusta we would hang out in the living room downstairs until bedtime and then head upstairs to bed. It was dark and Chuck turned off all the lights on his way to the stairs. I was in the far corner of the room and so had to walk through the room to get to the stairs. I stopped to wait for my eyes to adjust and realized that I didn't hear him on the stairs. You must understand that he likes to try to startle me and also that I am not easily startled. Now, I knew he had hidden and was going to jump out at me. I wasn't sure if he was behind a chair or around a corner or what, but I was totally aware that he was hiding. I wasn't about to walk to the stairs so I just waited. I think I may have taken a step or two and then he jumped out.
I BURST into tears. I mean, uncontrollable sobbing crying. Then I started laughing at my crying and so doing both at the same time. I guess all the adrenaline that had built up for those few seconds of anticipation manifested in a gush of tears. It was a really weird feeling to have such an uncontrollable reaction.

The second memory doesn't take as much explaining. I cried during Transformers. Ridiculous. I cried for a robot. Transformers II is coming out soon... watch out.

Things Are Looking Up

I have felt very much better in the last few days. I still get tired and I still get that yucky feeling in my stomach from time to time, but, generally, it's much improved. For instance, today, I went to Bible study at 9am and then to lunch at the park with those same girls. Eden and I walked around the park (staying on the sidewalk or grass because I was totally freaked out at the thought of her getting into the sand on the playground and then getting it in her eyes, mouth, clothing and carseat) and then we went to Kohl's on the way home. So I was awake at 6am, began activities at 8am and just sat down at home to rest a bit at 2pm. That's huge! Eden and I both did very well for not having our morning naps. She's sleeping soundly now, but I still feel alert... just kinda sore from the waist down.
One of the girls in Bible study today noticed that I have a little bump now. That was fun. I know to someone who doesn't know what I looked like a couple months ago and doesn't know I'm pregnant I just look like I have a leftover pooch, so it was nice for someone to acknowledge it as a baby bump.
I've also been better at focusing on God and worshiping Him instead of focusing on worry. The days and weeks still seem to go slowly as I wait to pass my first trimester, but I'm more care-free as I continue to demand my spirit to submit to the One Who can take care of me best. Chuck and I listened to a message on worry by Andy Stanley and I really liked one point he made. He said worry is misplaced devotion. We worry about things that are important to us. If we redirect our devotion to our Creator, the He can work in us and through us AND, as an added bonus, we do not worry. He made the distinction that redirecting our devotion does not belittle the importance of the things we worry about, it just acknowledges that the only One Who can really take care of it and us is God.

Did I Just Eat?

I ate a bowl of cereal, a few bites of banana, crackers and cheese, pb&j, half a pizza, a blizzard-like concoction from a local custard place, and a kids meal from Chick-fil-a today. At least for one day, my appetite turned on. Growth spurt!

He/She's a Squirmer!

I got the chance to see my beautiful itty baby again today! The heartbeat was 164 and he/she is measuring 9 wks. 1 day. I really enjoyed seeing the change that's taken place in just two weeks. Baby Upshaw decided to do a little dance for us while he/she was on screen and seeing those little leg and arm buds kick and squirm was marvelous! The pictures I got aren't too good, but I still have the picture in my mind.
The doc wants me to stay on the progesterone until about week 12 because that's when the placenta is fully formed and takes over. She seemed really encouraged and excited by what we saw today which encouraged me as well. I really wish Chuck could have been there to share the fun... maybe next time.

Ucky Stage

Next OB visit tomorrow! I'm looking forward to the ultrasound and to good news. I want to get back on a monthly schedule and not a two week schedule.
I felt particularly bad for the better part of the afternoon today. I'm just starting to feel my strength back again now after dinner. I don't know if I'm not eating enough or what. I don't have the hunger to motivate me to eat a lot and I may be suffering physically since my body is using up more energy now. I'm probably just going to have to put myself on some sort of schedule so I can keep feeding that growing baby whether I feel the urge or not.
My face is breaking out like it hasn't in a long, long time. It's awful. I hate the feeling. I always have some acne to cover up, but never so much that I feel overwhelmed. I've had it for so long, you'd think it would just be old hat... but it really bothers me. I hope it's just the extra progesterone and that it will start to clear when I stop the pills. I'm having a hard time feeling attractive as my belly pooches and my face flares up.
Blech!

My Easter

No more bleeding as of late. Lots of painful stretchy feelings when I walk and definitely more fullness and general tiredness to report. I'm not really having to nap now, but I am having to take some time to put my feet up and relax. I'm also finding that if I don't eat snacks in between meals, I have a really hard time keeping my energy up and start to feel sick. My next appointment is on Wednesday and I'm very excited to see my baby again and to see what the doctor says about whether or not I need to stay on progesterone. I think it's making my face break out more than usual and there are a few other side-effects I'm noticing that might be tmi, so I won't bother sharing. I'll be glad to stop using the pills when I get the all-clear.
We had a wonderful Easter brunch today at a beautiful bed and breakfast here in Jackson. They had an amazing spread with lamb, turkey, ham, salmon, salads, waffles, omelets, various southern veggies and a dessert bar. Mmmm. I really couldn't take advantage of everything I wanted to, which was a disappointment. Like, I wanted some shrimp cocktail, but I'm having a hard time enjoying seafood lately. I tried the soy glazed salmon, and it was good, but I just couldn't fully enjoy it. It's also just a little bit harder to focus on the yumminess of the food on your own plate when you have a curiously picky 15 month old you are also trying to feed. I thought she would gorge herself on all the choices, but she refused the broccoli (a known favorite at home), the mac and cheese, only nibbled on the cheese omelet... *shrug*.
It's been really nice to have my parents here all weekend. As soon as they left this afternoon, I realized that I had to entertain Eden again. It was sweet to be able to get up this morning fix Eden breakfast and then not think about her again as I took a shower got dressed, curled my hair etc. They entertained her the whole time. Of course, they can't really help it. They can't get enough of her and everything she does is awe-inspiring. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate all her sweet little baby-talk sounds, her funny wobbly walking accomplishments, and her general cuteness, but they only get three days to take it all in, so everything is huge! It's fun to see everything through grandparent eyes for a little while... and to see them act like fools if it means a smile from her.
That's all for now.

Random

There are no Dunkin' Donuts where we live!! Not within 20 miles... maybe more. There wasn't a map to look at of DD locations, just a place to put in a zip code. I really, really wanted a chocolate glazed donut and a blueberry glazed donut. I don't like Krispy Kreme and that's my only option! Wah!!!
I ended up having green beans from KFC... hmph.

I'm in maternity pants now. I definitely don't like anything slightly snug on my midsection... too uncomfortable. I hit the jackpot at DiaperSwappers.com and just got two pairs of pants, a pair of cute Gap capris and a pair of walking shorts used for a great deal. They all fit me right now, and I'm hoping, continue to fit for at least a few months. I know I'm talking about eating cake and donuts, but I really want to stay a bit trimmer this time. The overwhelming urge to eat a lot all the time hasn't hit me yet, so I feel I've got some wiggle room right now.

ZZzzz

I did not nap today. A surprising and welcome turn of events...

Sweets Attack

Craving for this week: chocolate cake

I didn't start craving sweets until around my third trimester last time, if I remember correctly. Don't get me wrong, I like a dessert, but I just don't crave sweets often. I thought it would be dangerous for me to have chocolates in the house, but it's actually kind-of a good thing. I don't eat but one per instance and the only instances I eat one are when I get that really strong craving for something sweet, maybe once every few days. I've had this small box of Dove chocolate caramels for over a month now and I've still got a couple left. I really, really, really wanted (and still do) a brownie from Chick-fil-a today, but I just got the combo. I indulged in a lemonade and the sour and sweet combo was just the ticket.
I am having some random cravings for peanuts. A couple of days ago, I woke up from my morning nap needing peanuts immediately. I went to the kitchen and poured four or five into my hand and ate them all in one bite. While they were going into my mouth, I was compelled to pour a handful from the jar. Four or five wasn't going to cut it. Today, I just HAD to have some peanut butter and jelly on a couple of crackers before lunch. It was an absolute necessity!

Update on the spotting: I have stopped. Whether it was the progesterone or not, I have no idea, and neither will my OB I suspect. I'll just give God the credit. I have to say, it's certainly renews my confidence. It's so much easier to trust God when things seem to be going right. Funny, isn't it? I hope I can teach my daughter to be strong enough to trust God in EVERYTHING. I want her to be totally committed and sold out. Guess Mommy needs to work towards that, too.

First Glimpse

We have a heartbeat! When I went in to the OB yesterday, they decided to go ahead and start with an ultrasound. I was going to have to wait two more weeks and I got to see my sweet baby early! He/she is measuring 7 weeks 1 day with strong heart rate of 140. It was amazing to hear that ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk that we weren't able to hear a few short months ago.

My doctor did decide to put me on progesterone and she told me to take it as easy as possible over the next couple of weeks until my next appointment. We just kept the original appointment, since it's two weeks out and they want to do a follow-up visit to see if the progesterone has affected anything. My husband just finished up all the laundry yesterday, so that's a relief and he also did the grocery shopping for me, which I was concerned about (lifting weighty bags). Eden's walking quite a bit now, so that's really helpful. I wouldn't want to be carrying over 20 lbs. regularly throughout the day. I don't have any pressing concerns that wouldn't allow me to take it easy and a friend has even offered to take Eden for an afternoon anytime.

I'm still struggling monumentally with trust. I have, in the past, had no problem speaking what I knew was God's will for me, but I'm questioning myself, and Him all the time now. This doesn't really carry over to other areas of my life or relationship with Him. It's only this ground that feels shaky. I just need to get in His presence every day so I can take some time to stand on holy ground.