Raising Godly Tomatoes

I've just now been doing some reading about parenting on this site and, after only about 10 minutes, became totally engrossed.  It's hard for me to pull away, but I had to share this letter from a reader to the creator of the site.  The reason I wanted to share is because I thought it was such a pivotal piece of the disciplinary puzzle.  If you know our family, you know we're pretty strict.  I'm constantly trying to walk the line of complete intolerance for sin, down to the smallest infraction, while still making sure my daughter feels encouraged, loved and secure.  I'm also concerned about suppressing or stifling feelings she has... just to get the "right" response on the outside.  I want to teach her how to correctly handle her emotions, not pretend they don't exist because they're unacceptable to Mommy.
This letter addresses some of that concern:

Untamed Whining Leads to Misery
Dear Elizabeth,

I never allowed my children to whine and I make no exception for my grandchildren. I simply found it unbearable. Now I see a far better reason than my personal irritation, to disallow such behavior.

The best reason is that a whining, pouting, tantruming child is truly miserable, a fact that sunk in recently when I spent a day with a friend and her two-year-old grandson. What an experience! That child whined for everything...first time...every time. "Just-on-the-verge-of-tears" whining, was his habitual day-long demeanor. He was truly miserable.

So now I correct more for the sake of the children's own happiness than because I find them irritating. Now, if I swat a grandchild's bottom for pouting after a reprimand, and say, "No pouting. Play and have a good time", I am doing it to render the child's life joyful. I am setting up this child for future success and happiness by consistently helping him to reject and transcend the frustrations and anger that will poison his future paths.

Correcting behavior does not drive a child to bury or deny his feelings. Rather, he learns he has a choice regarding those things he will think and act on. One cannot think good thoughts and smile while stewing and sulking in anger. Try it.

Another major reason I discipline pouting is because every minute of pouting, whining, and rebellion is a minute outside of God’s desire for us, and of happiness lost. In correcting my grandchildren for this, I am teaching them to do as we are told in Philippians 8:8-9: "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." I am teaching my grandchildren to dwell on, think about and ponder, what is good; knowing that their reward will be genuine, radiant joy.

Yours truly,
Sandra, mother of five, grandmother of ten